


Autumn Leaves, Winter’s Song

by Katiejhawk



Category: Sanditon (TV 2019), Sanditon - Jane Austen
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Heartbreak, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:09:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27450247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katiejhawk/pseuds/Katiejhawk
Summary: Charlotte nurses her broken heart after returning home from Sanditon.
Relationships: Charlotte Heywood & Sidney Parker, Charlotte Heywood/Sidney Parker
Comments: 80
Kudos: 220





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I recently heard my favorite version of “Autumn Leaves” (https://youtu.be/yofUdUjSoGc if you’re interested in it) and I could not get this idea out of my head. I’ve never written fan fiction before. In fact, I’m sure I haven’t written any fiction since college, so please be gentle.
> 
> Many thanks to Arkadea, who graciously gave it a read-through. Any mistakes are mine.

As summer faded into fall, so too did Charlotte Heywood’s heartache pass into numbness. But every time Mr. Sidney Parker took a stroll through her mind, the pain would reawaken and steal her breath.

Charlotte had settled into her old routine in Willingden in the nearly four months since her return from Sanditon, but her old self had not yet resurfaced. Her vivaciousness receded into wistful smiles, and she was prone to silence and introspection.

Her family, of course, noticed. She told the carefully curated story of how her love was lost to familial duty only to her mother, who in turn gave a further edited version to her beloved papa. While they keenly felt the pain of their daughter’s disappointed dreams, they knew that time and distance were the only possible cure and gave her the space to heal and the offer of an ear should she want to talk.

She didn’t. She couldn’t.

How could she function if she stopped to focus on living a life without her heart?

No. Best to avoid reading the post lest it bring word of the man who possessed that heart. Best to stay silent and work to a level of exhaustion that would give way to dreamless sleep.

One day in mid-November, none of the usual strategies worked to keep her thoughts from straying to Sidney Parker. Charlotte had walked into town to collect her family’s post and caught a whiff of tobacco, specifically the kind that Mr. Parker would smoke.

Stunned as wave upon wave of memory crashed over her, she went home, dropping the correspondence in the sitting room and heading directly to the room she shared with her sister Alison.

Charlotte found herself perched in the window seat as she tried to control her breathing, her thoughts, her mind. Finally, she focused on the large tree outside her window and counted the last of the burnt orange leaves as they drifted on a gentle breeze.

She attached a memory to each leaf, both hoping and fearing the wind would carry them away.

One: first glimpse of a young Mr. Parker’s portrait at Trafalgar House.

Two: first meeting, when he distractedly asked his sister-in-law, Mary, if she was the new maid.

Three: the spring ball and their first dance, their first real conversation and the first time he berated her for accurately though imprudently describing his brothers’ foibles.

And on and on, through shouting matches and sweet moments with Mr. Parker’s nieces and nephews, through finding him unclothed rising out of the ocean and feeling fully laid bare by the intensity of the dance they shared in London. First (and last) kiss. Holding hands afterwards as they slowly returned from the cliffs, only letting go when propriety and proximity to people demanded it.

Charlotte’s breath caught as the leaves’ color reminded her of the fire that consumed all her hopes and left her a shadow of her former self. The remainder of the memories of Mr. Parker tumbled through her mind.

An interrupted declaration of love and intentions, a hasty departure in search of a solution for his foolish brother’s problems, the news that her future was now someone else’s and their agonizing, unsatisfying farewell on the cliffs all tripped over each other in a frenzied search for an exit from Charlotte’s mind.

Her eyes burned from her desperate effort to keep the tears from falling, for if they began again, she wasn’t sure they would stop.

She tried to hold onto the notion that her heartache and his came with good intent, for it saved from destitution ones they both held dear, but the comfort felt as cold as the windowpane now felt on her cheek. She allowed herself a moment for feeling sorry for herself, but only just a moment.

“Courage, Charlotte,” she told herself. “You will survive this.”

Finally, as the last stubborn leaf let go of the tree, she composed herself so she could face her family and get on with the rest of her day.

Charlotte took one last look out the window, but what she saw in the distance caused her long absent heart to start beating in her chest once again. A tall man clad entirely in black astride a matching stallion was unmistakably heading toward Heywood House. She would know Mr. Sidney Parker anywhere at any distance. The return of her heart merely confirmed it was him.

Mr. Parker would only be here if he had the freedom to be. His honor and his care for her reputation would keep him away if it had been otherwise.

She left her window seat and walked to her door slowly, as if she were wading through water in a leaden bathing costume.

She began picking up speed as she reached the bottom of the staircase and drew open the front door because she became certain of his purpose, certain of her answer, certain of their future.

She broke into a run when Mr. Parker fully came into focus. For Charlotte Heywood was no fool. She knew her heart would sing again once she reached him and she wanted that to happen without delay.

Mr. Parker dismounted his horse the moment he caught sight of Charlotte, her long hair flowing wild behind her. A rare broad grin graced his handsome face as he caught her in his arms.

If he had harbored any doubts on his journey, her greeting erased them. He knew he would offer her the world if she let him. And she let him.

**Autumn Leaves**  
English lyrics by Johnny Mercer

_The falling leaves drift by the window  
The autumn leaves of red and gold  
I see your lips, the summer kisses  
The sun-burned hands I used to hold_

_Since you went away the days grow long  
And soon I'll hear old winter's song  
But I miss you most of all my darling  
When autumn leaves start to fall_

__

_Since you went away the days grow long  
And soon I'll hear old winter's song  
But I miss you most of all my darling  
When autumn leaves start to fall_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sidney tells of the events that lead him to Willingden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my editor husband, who was the beta for this chapter.
> 
> I hope that those of you who celebrate had a Merry Christmas and that you all have a very happy new year.

Sidney Parker could not remember the last time Miss Charlotte Heywood had not occupied his thoughts. Though he was ordinarily an astute observer, Miss Heywood had taken up residence in his heart and mind long before he’d taken notice of the fact, long before he even liked her.

As Sidney neared the end of his quest, anxious thoughts marched through his mind in time with his stallion’s gallop. He considered all he and others had done to make his journey possible and all that remained to be done.

And still he worried it would not be enough.

Could Miss Heywood ever forgive him for breaking her heart? Could she ever find a way to trust him again? If he could overcome these and other hurdles he had contemplated since her departure from Sanditon more than a season ago, would her father give his blessing once he became aware of Sidney’s somewhat diminished circumstances?

The answers to these questions would determine how cold his winter would be. In fact, they would determine whether his life remained as barren as the season that was nearly upon them.

Sidney considered his life before he had met Miss Heywood. He was alive, of course, but he had buried his true self so deep in his vices that he wasn’t really living. The need to protect himself from further heartbreak after the devastating loss of his parents and his broken engagement is what drove him to a colorless existence.

But something about his Charlotte, for that is what he allowed himself to think of her as in his more daring moments, shook loose the dirt under which he’d hidden his soul. It was as if she had taken a brush and palette and slowly added color and clarity to his world.

After understanding what it meant to be his true self, he was certain he could not go backwards, back to that cold, indifferent life.

He knew within a day of departing for London after the terrace fire reduced his plans to ashes that it had been a mistake to leave Miss Heywood in Sanditon. Her levelheadedness in times of crisis often tempered his tendency to act rashly. In his desperate bid to save his brother Tom’s family from destitution and the family name from ruination, he was not thinking clearly.

By the end of the week Lady Denham had given them to find a solution, the only offer on the table was the one from his former fiancée, Mrs. Eliza Campion. Intellectually, it was simple. Emotionally, it was anything but. He would have access to all the money he needed to solve his brother’s problem and then some in exchange for marriage.

But that trade came at the cost of his reason for breathing. The color began to leach out of his world after he had made the Faustian bargain. He feared his reawakening was in jeopardy, as if handfuls of dirt were beginning to rebury his soul.

He only began to wake from his self-inflicted nightmare as he watched his brother’s carriage take his heart from the clifftops of Sanditon toward Willingden. That was the moment he knew this wasn’t the end of their story. He couldn’t allow it to be.

His first stop in Sanditon was Trafalgar House. It was well past time to have a candid conversation with Tom. To give something of himself so that his brother might finally understand him.

Sidney told Tom that while he was grateful for all he had done when his life fell apart a decade ago, it could not come at the cost of his soul. A few thousand pounds to cover Sidney’s gambling debts was a drop in the ocean compared to what he was assuming on Tom’s behalf.

Tom, so blinded by his obsession with Sanditon’s success that he missed what was happening between his brother and the guest in his own home, was stunned when Sidney professed his love for Charlotte Heywood. Once the shock wore off, shame and regret set in. When Tom asked how he could make amends, Sidney replied that he simply needed his support to help put things right.

Sidney posted one letter to their brother Arthur and sister Diana and another to his friend Lord Babington asking that they return to Sanditon at their earliest convenience to discuss a matter of great importance. 

They arrived within a few days of each other. Babington, having just returned from his honeymoon, brought his new bride, the former Esther Denham, with him. She became the linchpin of their plan. While the others looked to raise capital for and interest in Sanditon, Esther was tasked with swaying her aunt toward leniency.

The group knew that raising all the money owed would be impossible in the short term. Arthur provided a portion of his inheritance, while Tom and his wife, Mary, looked at ways to decrease their expenses, sold some of their possessions and let the old Parker House for rental income.

Babington made an investment as well and reached out to a few peers he thought might be willing to help, including Lady Susan Worcester, who holds Miss Heywood in high regard. Sidney sold some of his investments and one of his business’ ships.

Combined, they gathered enough capital to cover the cleanup of the burned terraces, insure future work, pay off smaller creditors and make a good faith payment to Lady Denham, by far the largest debt holder.

Esther, however, was worth her weight in gold. She knew exactly how to persuade her aunt to keep a portion of her investment in the town, pursuing a triple strategy that made Sidney smile and think of the hero of Trafalgar in spite of himself.

She appealed to Lady Denham’s vanity — explaining how the investment would cement her legacy — her grudging admiration for Charlotte and her regret over her own lost love. The master stroke that secured Esther’s victory was her (reluctant) admission that she had married Babington for love.

The final task was the most delicate of all, and it fell squarely on Sidney to accomplish. All of this work would be for naught if he could not persuade Eliza to break their engagement.

They talked frankly of their past, both shared and separate. He had no wish to hurt her, so he pointed out as gently as he could that she married for money instead of love the first time and asked if she really wanted to repeat the experience of a loveless marriage. While she admitted that she loved him still and thought Sidney’s love for her would re-emerge, she had no desire to chance it or to break Sidney’s heart a second time.

Once Eliza had placed a notice in the newspapers ending their engagement, Sidney made preparations to travel to Willingden.

And now here he was, on the cusp of an uncertain future. Everything Sidney knew he wanted was within reach, but only if Miss Heywood would still have him and her father would offer his blessing.

He found Willingden’s inn, which was also home to a pub. He saw that his horse’s needs were met, then took a room to wash away the grime from his travels. Returning to the pub, he sought a meal and a glass of whiskey to fortify his nerves. He decided to smoke while he finished his whiskey and that’s when he caught a whiff of jasmine.

Immediately, he stilled.

Could it be Miss Heywood? She favored the scent and he always found it distracting.

He slowly turned his head but didn’t see her or even locate a potential source for the jasmine. Shaking his head, he returned to his drink, downed it and asked for one more.

Sidney took his time until he determined he was stalling. “I could sit here all day,” he thought, “but this isn’t what I came to do.”

He left the second drink unfinished, asked for directions to the Heywoods’ home and called for his horse.

As he rode out, he took in the hilly landscape while trying to dispel his worries. What few trees were in the area had shed their autumn glory and were prepared for their winter slumber. The fields, which might have been golden in the height of summer, were a flat gray, much like his life before Miss Heywood brandished her paintbrush.

He urged his stallion ahead when he caught sight of a roofline, believing he must be close. He crested a hill and took in the estate before him. It was much larger than Sidney had imagined, with many outbuildings and a couple of cottages visible. Dominating them all was a rambling timber-framed manor that looked like it had seen many additions, which was no surprise given the number of people who now lived there.

Sidney noticed a tree whose last leaves were drifting away in the light breeze, then looked back at the side of the house. He thought he saw something in the window, but it was gone so quickly he wondered if he imagined it.

Not long after, though, the front door flew open and he was sure it was Miss Heywood walking boldly toward him. Soon she was running and he knew. He had been forgiven. He still held her heart. He would never know another cold winter.

Sidney dismounted and opened his arms to catch her, feeling for the first time in months that he could breathe again.

Once they ended their embrace, Sidney offered an arm to his Charlotte while drawing the horse along with them toward her home. They walked in silence for a short time, content just to be in each other’s company.

Sidney suddenly stopped. He recalled how many interrupted moments there were between them and decided he needed to get to the point in a hurry.

“Marry me. Please, my love.”

She nodded with a twinkle in her eye and a need to tease.

“It took you long enough to get the words out.”

They laughed together as all the colors returned to their world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I briefly researched scents common to the era and decided on jasmine because it’s a favorite of mine and because of some of what it symbolizes: love, beauty or sensuality.
> 
> Thank you for coming along with me on my first foray into fan fiction. I truly appreciate your kudos and comments. ❤️

**Author's Note:**

> This is a one-shot for now, but if I can get into Sidney’s head, I’ll update with a parallel chapter.


End file.
